Twilight Related Rants!
by Fishey Stories
Summary: Was better then reading Twilight? Ranting about it of course!
1. Breaking Dawn Rant

**Note: Heyyy guys! Hayle here. I was bored so I decided to write everything that bugged me about Breaking Dawn. Spoliers included. Lots of 'em. SO BEWARE! Some stuff I write may be found inappropriate, blah blah, kids under 12, I recommend you dont show your mum and pop this so they dont ban you from Twilight. By the way, sorry about the slang. I'm too lazy to actually write Breaking Dawn (BD) or Stephenie Meyer (SM) or Point Of View (POV)  
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In my opinion, the first book of BD is extremely... how do I say this... undetailed. Remember how you first read Twilight and had that wanting, craving for more. If you were like me, you were seeing Edward every where you looked. And you felt sadness wash over you when Bella hears Edward's voice while she dies after James attack, and you really understand how Bella feels about Edward. Twilight made you feel very emotional, like your suffering from some serious PMS. (if your a freak like me) Same goes for NM and Eclipse. I feel BD lacked this. I didn't feel anything except shock when we find out Bella gets preggers (hehe, funny word). I should have felt more. Anyway, WTF? How the hell does Bella get pregnant?! Edward doesn't have body fluids! But, whatever.

And I want to know more about there first night of there honeymoon. Everytime they have sex, the book skips to the next part. BORING! C'mon, does the book HAVE to be PG? And then Bella sits there cooning over her new little bump. Bella shouldn't be all happy about this baby. She should be disgusted by the thought of it. Wasn't Bella the one who spent at least 500 pages of the series complaining about marrying edward? She's reliving her Mothers life, something she feared! But again, whatever.

And then, SM ends book 1. On to book 2. Jacob. Okay, when I first saw that Book 2 would be in Jacob's POV I almost literally lost it. Why couldn't it have been in Edwards POV. I have NEVER been a fan of Jacob. Werewolf. Eww. Sorry Jake-lovers. (actually, lauren and I were hoping Jacob got hit by a semi truck in BD xD) I didn't want to read in Jacobs POV in the last book of the series. And right when we find out BELLAS PREGNANT! GURRR! WTH WAS SHE THINKING! So I grudgingly started to read book 2. Actually, it wasn't that bad, and you had to admit, the chapter names were pretty funny. I started to feel a little bad for Jacob. But what bugged me most was that whenever he went to see Bella, she gets all "I need you Jacob, don't leave me!" What's up with that? And then edward asks Jacob to go get Bella pregnant!? WHAT!? No way! Bad idea. If that did happen, I would burn the book. I swear to you. If anyone writes a fanfic about that, I swear I will hunt you down and get 'cha!

I dunno but I found this book a bit predictable. We all know Bella will live and the baby will be born. We had half the book left to read. So skipping to were Jacob imprints on Renesmee (By the way, what type of name is Renesmee? GAY!! STUPID!!And Carlie? What's with Bella naming her child after her parents?) Oh great. Jacob likes Renesmee. Great. Just Great. No comment.

Now, the third book I did like for the most part. After waiting 3 books and 2/3s (Jeez, about time! I was thinking it would never happen.) Bella becomes a Vampire. Yay. The beginings fine, Bellas all happy, theyre one big family. I was sad though that Bella had to split her love. I was afraid this would happen. The baby is there, and now Bella loves someone else as much as she loves Edward. In some parts, I wasn't sure which she loved more actually. Then Alice has her vision. And Alice leaves. ALICE LEAVES! And so does Jasper. (Although, I never really thought Jasper had much of a personality in any of the books. He always seemed like the extra Cullen to me. And while Im off topic here is something I dont get. If Vampires are already perfect and beautiful in every way, then how come Rosalie is the most beautiful Vampire ever? How can she be?) But I knew Alice would come back. Some people were saying OMG! ALICE LEFT THE CULLENS FOREVER! I don't know about you but I knew Alice would come back. She'd have too. She's Alice.

Then the Volturi come, they stand around for 10 hours, and then guess what. NO FIGHT! C'mon, thats lame. They just walk away merrily ever after. Oh, and I had to say, I was disappointed with Bella's power. It wasn't cool, like reading minds or seeing the future. And it only works with Vampires who DO have mental powers. Lame. I wouldn't want that power. The last chapter was pretty good. I like when Bella shows Edward her favorite memories of them. I am now done ranting. And dont get me wrong. I love Twilight and all. And I didn't hate BD either. I have a long list of things I liked too. But ranting about things is sooo much more fun!

-Hayle


	2. Bella Rant

Is it me, or does Bella drive you nuts? I'll read any of the Twilight books and I always find that Bella is whining and bitching about something, and it drives me crazy. Maybe you agree, maybe you don't. But personally, I hate Bella as a character. She's whiny, and she acts way too weak. I know, compared to vampires she is but... blech, can't describe it.

And I don't like Kristen Stewart as Bella in the movie. Sure, Kristen looks like Bella, but I think Kristen is a terrible actress. Now, since the movie hasn't come out yet, I guess theres more to see. But in all the previews Kristen is so... bad at acting.

I'm done with my little rant about Bella. Now I'm probably going to get a bunch of hate-reviews. Bring in da sluggers, I'm readyyy! ;)

-Hayle


	3. Why Twilight Has Become So Popular

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

**Hello members of . Remember me?**

**After being obsessed with Twilight for around two and a half years, I finally have come to realize that it really is not a good book. Today, I sat down to think about why it has become such a best seller., and these are my reasons. Hope you enjoy.**

**With all my love,**

**Fishey Stories**

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Three years ago my seventh grade locker partner lended me her copy of Twilight saying it was an amazing book and I was sure to love it. For the next year and a half, it had become the main focus in my life.

But before I continue, If you're a overly obsessed diehard mega fan of Team Edward, Jacob, or Twilight in general, then please, click the red 'x" in the upper righthand corner of the screen and spare yourself from the uncontrollable rage I'm sure you will feel at the end of this article.

Alright, ready to proceed?

Good.

Twilight appeals mainly to the Middle School/Junior High female age group. And the reason for this is at this age, most females are feeling insecure, awkward, and unsure of themselves. Which is Bella's number one personality trait, already making her feel relatable to the reader. The other reason it's so appealing is by the end of the book, the only thing I know of Bella's appearance is she has typical long brown hair, and brown eyes. Otherwise, I'm not sure of what else Bella looks like. Basically, Bella has the average look of most girls: nothing special. Which makes the underage girl feel as if she IS Bella, since she is such a generic and relatable character.

Now, think of everything a woman could ever want in a man, and you have Edward Cullen. Perfect every way physically, emotionally, and mentally. Hell, even his breath, and fingernails are perfect. Edward's only personality trait is to devote his life, and time to make Bella happy in every way. He protects her, listens to every word she has to say, thinks she's gorgeous after she wakes up, does everything she wants to, and hardly ever disagrees with her. As I said before, when females read this book they imagine themselves as Bella, instead of Bella being her own defined character. So really, if feels as if Edward Cullen (the oh so mighty god like figure) is devoting all this time and emotion to them. Throw in a weak plot and you have yourself a best seller.

By the end of eighth grade I had lost all interest in Twilight, and had come to despise it. Why? Because I had matured a little and become more confident in my self, not feeling as relatable to Bella. Also, I realized Edward Cullen is a joke, and no guy would or ever will be that amazing, no matter how much you wish or dream about it.

As to guys reading and liking Twilight?

I really have no idea.


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